D - Day

So it's 9.30 pm and this ladybird is still alive!!! I survived the dreaded first day back at work.  This morning was very emotional, not that I let it show until I got into the car and pulled out of the avenue.  Myself and Ian Dempsey shared a very teary moment as I left the island, he has no idea of course he shared it with me, but I'm almost certain some fellow commuters must have thought I was off my rocker!
I'm sure every mother who must return to work does so with a basket of mixed emotions.  I know I certainly was craving adult conversation, the opportunity to be Trish again and in my case 'Miss'.  I love my little boys, I'm sure you are all far too aware of that with the amount of photos I upload, but to be a good mother I have to be me as well and part of that is needing and wanting adult conversation, dressing up for work, heading out for a drink or doing something glamorous, all of which have been absent from my life since the beautiful Bobby was born.
I started small I must admit and headed out on Thursday night for two whole hours!!!!  I got to drop in on the fabulous Rachel Verwey's Trunk Show for the amazing  American jewellery and accessories company Stella & Dot.
Stella & Dot by Rachael Verwey

 Rachel is one of their first stylists here in Ireland and I was glad I was dashing off to another meeting because my wallet would have been very quickly emptied.  Their range is massive and there is something to suit everyone's budget.  My trouble is I don't do budgets.  You can check out Rachel's page below, its definitely worth a look and you can host your own party.  I'm in love with the brochure at the moment, particularly the piece on the front cover!

After Rachel's I made a quick drop into the Commodore Hotel where Ann Dowley Spillane has brought her fabulous Girls Club to Cobh.  The Girls Club is such a fabulous organisation that supports and helps women battling and affected by cancer.  The work they do is amazing and so inspiring.  Lovely to see Melissa from Cakes of Distinction and Lilly Higgins supporting such an invaluable local resource.  Ann herself is such a force to be reckoned with, with her leading the fight against cancer there will almost certainly be battles won.  You can pop into the Girls Club in St. Paul's Avenue.  They're open Monday - Friday 10 - 5 and the kettle is always on.  You can also check out their facebook page here https://www.facebook.com/thegirlsclub.cork

So I got to be a grown up for an hour or two and oh it was so lovely.  Spent the weekend working myself up after that, teething and nerves had me up most of Saturday night and then, as with all teachers and students alike, the dreaded Sunday Night Blues set in, way too early on Sunday morning for them to even reference the word night.  I was miserable and tired all day Sunday and kept looking at the two boys thinking, 'I don't need adult conversation, I don't need a break, all I need is my two little boys.'  But the time had come and there was no point in fighting it, I was going back to school today.

I half expected one of the boys to wake during the night, particularly as poor old Bobby is battling with his two bottom teeth and losing badly, but no, after a rocky start I settled into the bed (toasty because I remembered to turn on the lecky blanket) and headed off to the land of nod.  I expected to be up and was prepared, slippers and dressing gown at arm's reach, but no need, the littlest man woke me with pleasant cooing at 6 and it suited me to leave him chat for 15 minutes or so and then get up.
Any mother will tell you mornings can be chaotic and again I was prepared for the worst, car packed, lunch ready etc but my two, or should I say three boys were impeccably behaved this morning and it all went very smoothly.  Too smoothly, they really didn't need me at all, a mother's worst fear!  
Sitting in the car and waving sadly as Jack pulled back the curtains inside and enthusiastically waved me off my heart broke.  They were going to be fine without me, but I wasn't so sure I would be.  Of course as I said I have been craving my old life, adult conversation, a nappy and vomit free hour or two, but under it all I'm still a mammy.  They are part of the person I am now and while I knew it would be nice to get back to work, back to teaching, back to the girls at the table at break, at that moment, like many more moments this morning I wanted to stay there with them.
And then I hit the staffroom and fell straight back into the hustle and bustle of school life.  By break time it was as if I had never been away and by the time I got home this evening, and the boys welcomed me in the garden in this beautiful sunshine it was as if this had been our routine for months.  
Will I hop skip and jump my way to work in the morning??? Probably not, but I'm still their mammy whether I'm at home with them or at school thinking about them.  I love them no less.  If I won the lotto would I stay at home?  I probably would, but I'd have to have an outlet, a small business or something.  As I said in the beginning I think to be a good mum you have to be true to yourself, happy in your skin, comfortable with who you are.  
I'm going to leave you with Emer O' Mahony's blog from during the week, which I found a great read.  Emer celebrates women in this riveting piece stemmed by skinny bashing.  I loved the piece and highly recommend the blog.  She has some great fashion tips and news, but also very informative posts on fitness in pregnancy and topical pieces like this one.

So on that positive note I'm going to retire.  Be who you want to be, be true to yourself.
Think I'll have earned some bubbles at the weekend.
(Still working on the BRCA post - taking my time because I want to do it right)


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